take one woman with low self esteem, but quite good hair
add one moronic illness
stir in some medication which causes hair to fall out
mix it all up and this is what you get...

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Blog anxiety 

In this strange microcosm of society we call Blogland, status anxiety is, unfortunately, as omnipresent as in "real life", even more so since I’ve rashly decided to go to this.

I helped to organise a London Blogmeet in May 2004. Many of the attendees knew who I was, and there was a sense of equality about it. Here were some like-minded people who clearly interacted well together in a comment box, so why shouldn’t they do the same in a brick-built “box” which serves alcohol?

I am concerned about this one though. There are some blogging heavyweights going. The type of blogger who, through no fault of their own, makes me feel thoroughly and depressingly inadequate.

I’ve been blogging for almost two years, quietly and humbly posting regular excerpts of my view of the world to a small yet loyal band of appreciative readers.

I’d love to say that I don’t care that I get a pathetic number of hits per day, that I am never likely to be nominated for a blog award, be mentioned in newspapers or magazines or be asked to write elsewhere. I’d love to say it, but it wouldn’t be true.

When I turn up at this blogmeet and someone says "So, who are you then?" and I say "I’m [me]", I fully expect them to look at me blankly and say: "Oh...".

As in "real life", when someone asks: "So, what do you do?" and my reply is similarly met with an "Oh...".

Blog imitates life.
I’m just not good enough.
I've booked the train ticket, but there's still time to bottle out.

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