take one woman with low self esteem, but quite good hair
add one moronic illness
stir in some medication which causes hair to fall out
mix it all up and this is what you get...
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Provisions
Our garden has provided us with:
The cat has attempted to provide us with:
Work has provided me with:
My sister has provided me with:
The municipal recycling centre (or "dump" as it used to be known) has provided us with:
That about covers it, for now.
Gooseberries
Blackcurrants
Redcurrants
Blueberries
Courgettes
Tomatoes
Potatoes
Lettuces
Butternut squash
Apples
Raspberries
Strawberries
The cat has attempted to provide us with:
moths
butterflies
worms
birds
slugs (which attached themselves to her fluffy haunches)
a lack of sleep, due to night time meanderings on the bed
surly, nonchalant behaviour
general ungratefulness
rare moments of utter adoration
seemingly endless amusement
Work has provided me with:
a salary
disillusionment
hatred
despair
exhaustion
cynicism
an overwhelming urge to run for the hills
My sister has provided me with:
a small, perfectly formed niece (to add to my collection)
The municipal recycling centre (or "dump" as it used to be known) has provided us with:
Two filing cabinets
A blind, which miraculously fits the bathroom window as if it were made to measure
Two chrome effect radiator drying racks
A marble lazy susan (used mostly as a Scrabble turntable)
A bird bath
Two large pieces of fabulous "retro" fabric
Some pint glasses
That about covers it, for now.
Monday, August 03, 2009
Orthographic despair
A couple of roads I pass fairly regularly seem to be having an identity crisis since the council has decided to renew the signs so that they now boast the qualifier "City of Southampton". As if we didn't know.
At one end of one of the roads in question, the sign reads "LANDGUARD ROAD" (the name by which I've always known the road). At the other end, it reads "LANGUARD ROAD". Similarly, the next road up is "HOWARD ROAD" at one end, and "HOWARDS ROAD" at the other.
Where one road has lost a "D" at one end, the other has gained a spurious "S" at the other.
The confusion offered up by the city council has unfortunately spread, like swine flu, to a nearby bus stop. One route displayed on the timetable shows the stop as "Landguard Road", another route shows "Languard Road". On the same sign. On the same piece of paper. By the same bus operator.
To top it all off, I am helpfully advised by a temporary, yellow diversion sign that I should find an alternative route to the "city center".
Where will it end, that's what I ask myself.
At one end of one of the roads in question, the sign reads "LANDGUARD ROAD" (the name by which I've always known the road). At the other end, it reads "LANGUARD ROAD". Similarly, the next road up is "HOWARD ROAD" at one end, and "HOWARDS ROAD" at the other.
Where one road has lost a "D" at one end, the other has gained a spurious "S" at the other.
The confusion offered up by the city council has unfortunately spread, like swine flu, to a nearby bus stop. One route displayed on the timetable shows the stop as "Landguard Road", another route shows "Languard Road". On the same sign. On the same piece of paper. By the same bus operator.
To top it all off, I am helpfully advised by a temporary, yellow diversion sign that I should find an alternative route to the "city center".
Where will it end, that's what I ask myself.
