It is customary, I believe, to apologise in advance for doing a meme, though I don't really subscribe to this kind of blog-snobbery . I see some memes as a useful springboard for writing something that perhaps you wouldn't have thought of writing, to reveal sides of yourself which you may not have otherwise revealed. Lazy blogging? Perhaps. But I'm still doing the writing, I've just been given a starting point and a vague structure. Apart from anything else, they can be quite fun too.

I saw this one over at Alan's.

id•i•o•syn•cra•sy
1. A structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group.
2. A physiological or temperamental peculiarity.
3. An unusual individual reaction to food or a drug.

List five of your own idiosyncrasies and then tag five friends to do the same.

Idiosyncrasies - the things which make us unique and the things which bind us together. It is often quite difficult to identify one's own quirks because to us, they seem perfectly natural and logical. So I enlisted the help of the man who bears the brunt of my idiosyncrasies: Big. Here's what he came up with:

Fruit anxiety

I eat fresh fruit every day, apart from some weekends where I "forget" to eat properly - the blog meet being a prime example: as I got on the train home that evening, I realised that my nutritional intake up to that point had been a bowl of muesli, two potato wedges and two crisps. At work, though, as long as there is fruit on my desk, I will graze on it. There is a point in the evening, however, where the fruit "door" closes abruptly. I will not eat fresh fruit after about 9pm.

The reasons for this are twofold. Firstly, I just find it all a bit too "tart" for my *ahem* delicate palate at that time of the evening. Secondly, I've read up on food combining and, whilst I am generally opposed to eating fads, I do feel that there are some interesting points made in this philosophy of eating, one of which is that it is not recommended to eat fruit after a large meal. Apparently, fruit is digested quite quickly, whereas other foods require more work. By eating fruit after a meal, you risk rushing the other food through the system before it has a chance to be digested properly. The same applies to drinking water with meals. I don't know if there's any truth in this, but it sounds sensible.

For someone like Big, though, who will eat any food at any time of day (Scotch eggs for breakfast - euw!), my "fruit rule" is incomprehensible.

Poo anxiety- those who suffer from an aversion to "too much information" may be advised to skip this one

Well, after eating all that fruit, the inevitable happens. But, for me, the task cannot be performed just anywhere. The conditions must be just so. Being almost irritatingly "regular", the "deed" is normally done when I get home from work. But if I'm going for a run straight from work - which I have been doing recently to prepare for the 10 miler in a couple of weeks' time - as Paula Radcliffe will tell you, it's best to have a bit of a purge beforehand. So I've been "performing" at work, where the conditions are not ideal.

Firstly, there is no opening window in the cubicle (tantalisingly, there is a window, but the window lock key is nowhere to be found). I hate bathrooms with no window - an unfortunate fact of life for some flats and for many so-called luxury en-suite bathrooms. Secondly, working in a mostly male environment, we ladies have only one cubicle between us. It's a disabled toilet, which means that it has one large door which opens directly onto the "foyer" of our office building. This scenario always makes me uneasy. I have a morbid fear of the door "failing" in some way, opening of its own accord and revealing a tableau of my good self, resplendent on my porcelain throne, to the unsuspecting passer-by. Then there's the "aroma anxiety". With only one door between defecation and civilisation, steps must be taken. Luckily, despite the absence of fresh air, there is at least an air freshener...

Parking anxiety

Section 224 of the Highway code states:

Cars, goods vehicles not exceeding 1525kg unladen, invalid carriages and motorcycles may be parked without lights on a road (or lay-by) with a speed limit of 30 mph or less if they are at least 10 metres (32 feet) away from any junction, close to the kerb and facing in the direction of the traffic flow

I am an absolute stickler for this, to the extent that I will drive a fair distance out of my way to ensure that I get myself on the "right" side of the road. Not only is it rude to your passengers to park in such a way that they would have to get out on the road side, it also makes pulling away a more hazardous manoeuvre if you're on the "wrong" side of the road.

There is a lot of selfishness in the way people park. Most parking restrictions exist for road safety reasons or to ensure that traffic can flow. People are too concerned with their own convenience, without thinking about the consequences on other people. We have to share this world, people!

Dessert anarchy

I like desserts (see below). But after a big meal at a restaurant, I can't usually manage a huge slab of cake or a mountain of ice cream. If only they'd make desserts which were small - I just want a mouthful. Instead of which, I proclaim that I shan't have a dessert and then am forced to furtively purloin spoonfuls of Big's, brandishing my implement when his back is turned. This, understandably, causes him no end of annoyance.

Salad anxiety

In the Anxious world, a side salad must contain:

• leaves - preferably red or green oak leaf, lollo rosso or biondo, baby spinach - i.e. mild, tender, leaves. In addition, they must be cut up, not left whole. I should be able to "fork it up" as it is, without requiring any further implements or any excessive widening of the oral cavity.
  
• dressing - a simple oil and vinegar concoction is all that's required
  
• seasoning

Absence of any one of these may result in tutting, rolling of the eyes or glaring.
It must not contain:

• raw onion of any colour
  
• grated carrot (only valid in coleslaw)
  
• beetroot (never valid either in or out of a salad)
  
• radishes (stupid little things)
  
• iceberg lettuce
  
• frisée - feels like I'm eating my own hair, yeuch!
  
• grapes

Any such items will be removed from the salad and placed on Big's plate forthwith (or maybe "forkwith"?).

*watches already miniscule readership back away slowly*