I have spent so much of my life putting myself down that it's essentially a way of life now.

During my teenage years, my attention was directed toward the superficial: I would curse the excessive height, the ghostly (ghastly?) complexion, the crippling shyness and the imbalance between breast and hip (too little up there, too much down there).

I then decided, in my late teens and early twenties, that not only was I a freak physically but also mentally: too different to fit in at university, too directionless to decide on a career, too quick to ditch everything for the (latterly broken) promises of a selection of men.

In my late twenties, settled in what I thought was a career, I directed my self-hatred toward my singleton status, confirming in my mind that my suspicions about myself were true: I just wasn't good enough.

With the advent of the dreaded thirties came a few home truths. I took myself and my life by the scruff of the neck and made some changes and some plans for the future, enjoying a brief period of respite from the self-loathing.

Now, however, slowly but surely, the demons are returning, constantly bubbling under the surface, and have been joined by new concerns. Why can't I cope with running the house? Why am I still overweight despite doing more exercise and eating much more healthily than many (non-overweight) people I know? Why am I still doing the same work, three years after declaring that I wanted to do something different? Why did I have to go and fail one of those diploma papers when I clung to French as the one damned thing I was actually good at...

During one of my recent flaky moments, however, with Big patiently wiping the tears and picking up the pieces one by one, I came to a realisation. At the risk of breaking the habit of a lifetime, I'd like to state the following:

Overall, I believe I am a good person

People like me - once they get to know me
I am loyal
I always try to do the right thing
I am bloody reliable
I have a sense of perspective about the important things in life
I am honest
I am playful
I am kind
I am helpful
I am affectionate
I can be a calming influence
I can relate to all sorts of people from different backgrounds
I am an extremely good listener
I am very diplomatic
I am open-minded
I am interested in other people
I am environmentally responsible
I make people laugh
I can laugh at myself and do so on a regular basis
I can sing
I am a good cook
I am sensible and practical (*yawn*)
I am disciplined (in a healthy way)
I am humble
I am modest
I am responsible
I have very good instincts
I try to live my life in a way which does not impact negatively on other people
I love with all my heart

I resisted the temptation to counter each point with a "but..." followed by a negative assertion.

Sometimes it's good to venture tentatively out of one's comfort zone, even if just for a few moments.