take one woman with low self esteem, but quite good hair
add one moronic illness
stir in some medication which causes hair to fall out
mix it all up and this is what you get...

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Never say never? Oh, all right then... 

Ten things I would never do

(as requested by Alan o'the Sharp)

  1. Have children

    Not deliberately anyway, though if nature decided to throw that at me, I'd have to work out how best to deal with it. I met Big at 31 - we both have some life to be living together and children simply do not fit in with that nor do I think they ever will. As you may know from reading my blog, I do not do things just because everyone else does, I question almost every aspect of my life on a regular basis. I cannot see that having children would answer any of the questions I have.

  2. Have a wedding list

    Materialism gone mad. In some ways, I'm glad my nearest John Lewis is about 50 miles away, so that I am only rarely subjected to the throngs of couples shuffling around the home department with their little handheld devices, choosing expensive homewares. No, no, no, wedding lists are irrelevant, greedy, wrong, wrong and wrong. And wrong. Make them stop, people!

  3. Buy a high-performance or status symbol motor vehicle

    Cars are transport devices to be used in moderation when there is no alternative. That is all.

  4. Put adverts, paypal buttons or wishlists on my blog for my own benefit

    I choose not to. To my mind it is not in the spirit of blogging as I understand it. My view.

  5. Binge drink

    There are occasions when I don't understand my fellow countrymen. Usually this feeling arises when I am in a town centre on a Friday or Saturday night, observing the swaying, yelling, vomiting, micturating masses. I feel most acutely that I am a misfit, but in this respect, I am glad to be a misfit. Just bear in mind if you spend an evening with me and you're drinking, I won't be and I will remember. Everything.

  6. Answer or fiddle with the telephone while driving

    I refuse to believe that you're so important that you can't either wait until you reach your destination or stop somewhere safe to pick up a message and return the call. If you are that important (e.g. you're an ambulance), then your vehicle will be equipped with appropriate communication devices and a non-driver available to deal with calls.

  7. Refer to any football team as "we" unless I was actually playing in the team (which would be very unlikely)

    Another case where I struggle to feel that I am related to my fellow countrymen and one of the few issues (along with private versus state schooling) which divide Big and me.

  8. Drink Red Bull

    Do I need to explain this? Just so very wrong.

  9. Knowingly drink instant coffee

    I think it was time spent in France which turned me around on this, even though my Frenchman was an advocate of instant coffee in the mornings, when coffee is allowed to be weak, milky and insipid, used as it is as a dunking and crumb storage device for anything from a croissant to a stale old madeleine. I drink much less coffee now than I used to, but when I have it, it has to be good.

  10. Drink tea as an accompaniment to a savoury snack

    It's writing out these kinds of things that makes me realise what a freak I am. But no. I will not eat crisps (for example) with a cup of tea. It is, quite simply, wrong. Sweet (not savoury) biscuits and cakes are the correct accompaniment, if anything. The exception to this is a British style cooked breakfast, which *must* be accompanied with a mug of strong, hot tea. Never, never coffee.

Anx has spoken.

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