Sunday. A conversation with a nurse, on the day of my discharge from hospital.

"I'll need help getting home. My partner doesn't drive and we live in [town about 30 miles from hospital]"
"No problem, we can arrange a car to take you home. I'll get it to come just after five to give you time to get your things together,"
"Thanks!"

Monday. A telephone conversation from home with a member of ward staff (my first port of call as I only had the ward number).

"Hi, I've been asked to come for an out-patient appointment on Wednesday but I need help with transport. My partner doesn't drive and I'm not sure I'm well enough to manage the train and bus."
"Ah yes, I'll arrange that for you. What's your name?"
...
"Thanks!"

Wednesday. A conversation with a member of ward staff at the hospital whilst attending out-patient appointment

"I've got to come in again on Friday for an appointment and last time someone arranged transport for me. Could you help me with this please?"
"Here's the dedicated number for the patient transport service. They will be able to help you."
"Thanks!"

Wednesday afternoon, on arrival home. Attempted telephone conversation with patient transport service.

"[Engaged tone]"
"[Engaged tone]"
"[Engaged tone]"
...
"This service is open from 10am until 4pm. There is no answering service. Please call again during these hours."

Thursday. Attempted telephone conversation with patient transport service.


"[Engaged tone]"
"[Engaged tone]"
"[Engaged tone]"

...

"Patient transport service?"
"Hello. I have an appointment tomorrow and need help with transport please,"
"Tomorrow? Right, well because it's at short notice, I need to give you another number and they'll see if they can fit you in."
"Oh!"
"The number is [another number],"
"Thank you,"
"Bye."

Thursday. Telephone conversation with other, short-notice patient transport service.

"Patient transport service?"
"Hello. I have an out-patient appointment tomorrow and need help with transport, please,"
"Okay, let me just take your details and I'll see what we can do and get back to you. What's your postcode?"
"[postcode]"
"You're in [town 30 miles from hospital]?"
"Um, yes..."
"Well, I'm afraid we wouldn't be able to provide transport, it would be provided by your local Trust. Hold on, I'll get you the number..."
"But you provided transport for me before, on Wednesday. They picked me up from [town 30 miles from hospital] and brought me home"
"Well, you've phoned at short notice, so I'm afraid we can't help you"
*resists urge to say that I had tried to phone the previous day and had received a barrage of engaged tones*
"Here are a couple of numbers to try for your local hospital"
"Um, thanks..."

Thursday. Attempted telephone conversation with first number given, which appears to be the switchboard of the local hospital.

"Welcome to [local hospital]. Please say the name of the person or department you require."
*scratches head*
"Transport?"
...
"Welcome to [local hospital]. Please say the name of the person or department you require."
*slams phone down*

Thursday. Attempted telephone conversation with second number.

"[ring ring]
[ring ring]
[ring ring]
[ring ring]
...
[ring ring]
[ring ring]
[ring ring]
[ring ring]
...
[ring ring]
[ring ring]
[ring ring]
[ring ring]"

*bursts into tears*

From here, Big took over, starting again, phoning the same numbers as before plus a whole lot more, becoming increasingly frustrated and being shunted from pillar to post with no-one willing to accept responsibility for getting me to my appointment. Apparently, it was my fault for:

1. Having the audacity to have been taken to a hospital 30 miles away from my home in the middle of the night in an ambulance because it was decided that they had the best facilities to diagnose and deal with my problem. (Note that these decisions were not within my control and nor would I have wanted them to be).
   
   
2. Having the bare-faced cheek to phone the patient transport line at a time when the line was permanently engaged and thus coming into the "short notice" category

How very dare I?