take one woman with low self esteem, but quite good hair
add one moronic illness
stir in some medication which causes hair to fall out
mix it all up and this is what you get...

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

On the market 

The vocabulary of estate agents never ceases to amuse me.

Until a few days ago, I had no idea that our house "benefits from", amongst other things: a "vestibule" (got to love that word) and an "inner lobby". Our staircase, which "ascends to the first floor" (how unusual) has "balustrading and spindles". The tiled splashbacks in the kitchen are, apparently, "complimentary". Well, we weren't going to make the buyer pay extra for them. And the front lawn is similarly "complimented" by mature shrubs. I can just imagine the shrubs addressing the lawn: "Oh, lawn, you are looking lush today", the flattering so-and-sos....

This, of course, can only mean one thing: our house has just gone on the market. Having been disappointed by our potential private buyers, we have been forced to enter the murky world of estate agents with their talk of front aspects, wrought iron pedestrian gates and easy access to comprehensive leisure amenities.

Amused as I am by the flowery language they use to describe the most mundane matters, I am not looking forward to the next few months. Whilst our move to Hampshire will hopefully be a long term one, there are several hurdles to overcome before we'll finally be settled.

Due to my outright refusal to be part of a property chain, buying and selling a house at the same time (I just don't think I could handle the stress), I've built a bit of a rod for my own back.

If we take up our friend's offer to house-sit while he works away, giving us time to find somewhere suitable to buy and giving him security, we will need to put most (but not all) of our possessions in storage. This in turn means we'll have to actually think about packing rather than just shoving things in boxes in a blind panic at the last minute (or paying a removal company to do same). And storage, of course, costs money.

If that offer falls through, we will move into rented accommodation, probably unfurnished, so packing will require less thought but more panic.

Either way, we will still have another move to "look forward to" later on, when we eventually find a place to buy down there.

All of this assumes, of course, that someone will want to buy this house.

Anyone want a house? It has balustrading! It has a vestibule! Go on, you know you want it...

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